Top 5 zombie apocalypse hideouts

We’ve travelled to some pretty remote places over the last few months and it always makes me think…would this be a good place to hideout when the zombie apocalypse strikes?

So, here are my top 5 places to get away from it all and enjoy a zombie free post apocalypse.

5 – Deer Island, Japan
This is a small island just off the coast of Matsuyama . It has a pristine beach and it’s only inhabitants are a small herd of deer.

Wins: There’s a great look out point from the top of the hill, there’s plenty of trees to build a shelter and some venison and a leather jacket could come in handy.

Loses: A determined undead could probably swim across the small channel between you and the mainland. Do deer become undead? With Hiroshima just across the bay and Fukishima in the north there’s a real chance of atomic zombie deer. Which nobody wants.

4 – Kuelap, Peru
This impressive Pre-Incan fortress in the chachapoyas region of Northern Peru has commanding views of the whole valley and is four hours by car or a gruelling two day hike from the nearest town.

Pros: Quiet rural location with stunning view. Heritage stone shelters with ensuite guinea pig pen and sacrificial alter.

Cons: The Incas from the South attacked and slaughtered all the original Chachapoyans who lived here so the same could happen to you. There’s still a few mummified human remains buried on the site. So you will also have to clear out the mummy zombies before you can move in.

3 – Government Palace, Vietnam

If you want your post apocalypse to have a bit more urban chic then this mansion in the centre of Saigon may be just the thing. Like a bond villain’s lair from the seventies this is the place to take zombie headshots in style with a large G&T in your hand and some Burt Bacharach on the Hifi.

Pros: Designed as the headquarters for the South Vietnamese army this place has everything you need including: a bomb proof bunker, a cinema and a helipad complete with roof top bar for the warm summer evenings and quick get away.

Cons: The North Vietnamese army rammed the main gates with a tank and took over the place finally ending the Vietnam war. The same could end your zombie war. Also, you’re right in the middle of a city with a lot of people and scooters. That’s a lot of highly mobile zombies to keep at bay. Bring plenty of ammo. And gin.

2 – Patagonia, Argentina

If you really want to get away from it all then pretty much anywhere in Patagonia will do. You may get some cattle and some wild horses every few hundred kilometres but apart from that it’s a whole lot of beautiful nothing.

Pros: Very flat so you can see a zombie coming three days away. Easily build your own superman style fortress of solitude on the glacial ice field.

Cons: Bring a good jacket or six. It’s going to be really cold with steady winds of 100kmh and there’s nowhere to shelter. Hypothermia and condors may get you before the zombies do.

1 – Cactus island, Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia.

This place has it all. 200km from the nearest village with nothing but flat white plains in every direction. With a good scope and powerful rifle you could keep the zombies at bay before they even leave their houses.

Pros: The only high point around you can see everything from the comfort of your own cave. There’s not much to do but you do have l plenty of spiky cactuses for creating Rambo style traps and you can even use the dried trunks to build a house.

Cons: Water may be a problem but you can drink cactus juice and with a bit of fermenting you could be making your own cactus liquor in no time. Zombie cocktails anyone.

Other Contenders
Machu Picchu, Peru
It’s a stunning location and well kept but it’s so iconic everyone will head there. Do you really want to sit out the apocalypse with a load of gap year students with poi.

Jodhpur, India
The fortress here is stunning and your surrounded by formidable desert. But there’s just so many people in India that wherever you’ll be zombie fodder before you got halfway up the hill.

Ha Dong Cave, Vietnam
As cave dwellings go this is the footballer’s mansion equivalent. It’s got enough space for a jumbo with room to spare. Plus it’s surrounded by fairly impregnable jungle that defeated the US army. Sounds great. Except that it so big the chances are you’ll never see daylight again and then there’s always those creatures from Decsent to contend with.

Willy Fog conmochila

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